i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
