just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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