You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
