My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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