i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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