what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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