capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
