You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
