Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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