well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
