If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
