I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
