is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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