if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
