Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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