??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
