Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh god it's open bar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
