He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
