so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize