you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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