i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
