he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
