I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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