hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
