Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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