y did u give ur computer a hand job?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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