At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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