His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
