Too much gin, very little bucket
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
