Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
