I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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