These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
