I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
