At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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