The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
