At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize