Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
