do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
