Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
