I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
