i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
