my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
