You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
