DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
