he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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