I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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