i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He better not be in your backpack
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
