That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
