he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
