Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
