feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
