Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
