Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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