Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize