You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize