It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
