I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want her autograph on my taint
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
