He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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