yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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