# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's Friday. Sex?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
