My underwear smells like fireworks.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
