Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
