I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Randomize
