I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
