If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
