Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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