Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
